Oh My Gosh, Not Again….

You know, once you have cancer, it seems like the slightest little thing reminds you of your vulnerability, scares you that the cancer is back.  That  happened to me over the week-end.  It was so nothing!  And yet, as I panicked a little, in fact for the entire day, I realized just how deep that cancer fear really is for those of us who have had it.

I was visiting my sister and her family over the week-end.  Because of the bitter cold, heaters have been running non-stop and so it was very dry in their house.  I had gotten dressed, ready, make-up on and was sitting down to sip my coffee.  I went to reach for my nose, a little itch don’t you know, and realized my hand had so much blood on it.  A bloody nose.  (Yuck, so un-lady like by the way!)

It wasn’t the blood that panicked me, it was the fact that the last time I had a bloody nose I was going through chemo, that was a constant side effect for me.  I grabbed tissues and ran to find my sister.  Very quietly, in a whisper I shared, “I have a bloody nose.”  Oh, probably because the house is dry was her response.  But she took another look at me, “What are you thinking she asked?”  I was shaken, she could tell.  “Well” I explained, “I haven’t had one of these since I went through chemo.”

“Oh, you don’t have cancer”, she simply stated.  No, I don’t.  No, I am no going through chemo or radiation.  I don’t have surgery on the horizon.  And yet that fear, that intensely deep and sobering memory of cancer scared the life out of me that day.

I started telling myself that morning that cancer was not going to win.  I was going to have a spectacular day, and I would not let the fears of cancer change that.  And I did have a spectacular day!

I share because this happens.  We are going through our normal day and something that is pretty dog-gone basic reminds us of the cancer journey we took.  It shakes us to our core, it can paralyze us.  And yet, in a non-cancer life it is a lot of nothing.

Don’t let the nothings of life become something because of your cancer journey.  I know that is easier said than done.  Because I spent a day reminding myself of that, I thought I might share it with you.

Have a radiant day!